Fulfill the Law: Love God. Love People.
Maybe life really is just that simple.

The P Word: Parents

Last night my girlfriend asked, “If I wanted you to tell your parents about us, would you?”


After my heart slowed down a little, I responded with, “If you really wanted me to.”

Ah, parents. I have great parents, really I do. I love them very much, and they love me very much. They’ve supported me all through college and of course all the years before it. They’re strong Christians who have brought me up to love Jesus. They’re proud of me. However, they don’t know me that well anymore. I haven’t lived at home for over three years now, and, believe me, a lot has happened over those three years. If my parents found out that I was in a relationship with a girl… a girl they are quite familiar with as she has spent the night at their house countless times during holidays and stuff with me… they would be down right disgusted.

I have a cousin who is a lesbian. She has been “out” for awhile now… since before I was a teenager. I don’t know her that well, unfortunately. But over the years, I’ve heard mom make many negative comments about her because of her “sexual orientation.”

I’ve been home a few days for a family emergency. My second night here, I was sitting at the table eating dinner while my mom began to open the mail for the day. As it is that wonderful time of year, many Christmas cards are trickling in. One of those cards on this particular day happened to be from my cousin, the lesbian. Mom didn’t make any comments about it as she opened the card. Then she opened the card and shut it really fast. She then proceeded to take God’s name in vain for… no joke… almost five minutes. “Oh my God… oh my God… Oh my God…” You know why she kept saying that? Because my cousin had enclosed a picture of her and her girlfriend with the card. Finally she got the nerve to look at it where she continued her “Oh my Gods” and random noises of horror. She then looked at me and proceeded to tell me that she wanted me to find a nice man. One time while holding the card she actually said, “This is why I want you to find a boyfriend.” *Blank stare* Later as she was checking her email she goes, “My heart is still just a-pounding.” And all because my cousin sent a picture of her and her girlfriend.

Well I feel encouraged.

My dad’s response to the picture was, “Yeah, she looks like a boy.” However, he frequently makes jokes about not wanting to eat at McDonald’s cause they “give money to the gays,” or something like that.

At least my parents, whenever I do get the nerve to tell them about me, won’t blame it on my cousin, as I’ve had very, very little contact with her throughout my life. (Not because she’s a lesbian; just because she doesn’t come around much.) I do take comfort knowing that I could talk to my aunt if I ever needed to.

When I told my friend that I was gay, her response was, “I know.” I feel like deep down, my mom knows too. She has asked me on and off at random if I liked girls since I was like 13. She recently asked me, actually. I never “go out with boys.” I managed to blow off the question without really answering. I’m just not ready to tell her yet. I’m her only hope for grandchildren, which she desperately wants. She wants me to “find a nice man so I can be happy.” I just don’t think she will ever believe that I AM happy with my nice girl.

When I was a teenager, I had a young daughter of one of the pastors at my church ask me if I was a tomboy. I forgot how she worded it, but it made me feel like her parents had been discussing it… strange. That was a random reflection not really related to this post.

I know I’ll tell my parents one day. I mean, when I keep living with the same girl and we keep moving everywhere together and I never date “nice men,” I’m sure they will catch on. Also, my girlfriend is getting really tired of hiding from everyone. As I mentioned in my last post, she wants to “shout to the world” that she loves me. And I wish the same. I have a feeling we’ll be “out” within, at most, a couple of years.

Oh parents, why is it so hard to tell you? Why do I care what you think?

This is all definitely territory where parents fear to tread…


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